should say one of thous weeks. I am just tired. Past the stage of wanting to cry at the drop of a hat, now I am numb. I don't know witch is worse. There is this acing under the numbness I can't put my finger on. A feeling of hopelessness. Feels so bleak and I never know when it is going to end. Last time it was only a weak, but before that it was four months. I don't miss the anger or sadness it is not being happy about anything. I can fake it with the best of them, but then I feel empty for doing it. Like I am lying to my family and friends. I just don't want them to feel bad just because I can't feel good. It normally takes a change of something. I moved the hole house around and it wasn't enough. I am going to change my vitamin intake. that helps some times an exercise more that helps too. It is just so hard to think strait rite now. It all feels so hopeless. The worst of it is I know it herts my kids. All I want to do is get away. To not be near any one. I isolate myself and the kids end up isolated too.
Maybe it is just the stress getting to me. James working all the time and we still have no money. I don't get it. How did this happen? I hate being broke. I hate him not being home and working so hard just to brake even at the end of the month. There has to be something better. I feel guilty for not working, but know I can't send the boys to school. It just isn't rite. SO James pays the price. Heck we all do. There has to be an answer. I just don't know and rite now have no energy to fined it.
To better days
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3 comments:
FWIW Marie, this definitely resonates with me. This winter has been so very hard on me, and I am just now coming out of the depression.
You're right about it-- you're exhausted. In a true sense. You have been sucked dry of whatever energy it is that makes you You. It happens to us all as SAHM, and transitioning to homeschooling makes this condition of our indefinite. It's hard.
Make lots of regular plans with your friends, things that DO draw the kids off so you can sit under a tree and BE.
thanks
Sorry you're feeling crappy Marie :(. I think you are doing an incredible job as a mom and approach your kids with so much love and energy, that it doesn't surprise me you run yourself down every now and then. I hope you get a chance to recharge and feel better soon.
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