Better late then Never

With the get together tomarrow I figerd I should really get these up. It was very stresful to have Mellissa over and the kids, but some how I didn't kill any one by food poisaning or other meens on hand.

Don't they look happy

Finaly get to open this thing then they make him look at the card

What it is all about

One for Great Grandma

One extra Presant this year

Tomarrow is the last day of the year. Plan to see it out with a smile.

Happy New Year

Silent Night

The kids are sleeping. Been sitting drinking coco and reading by the Christmas Tree. Sees like yesterday we were in the yard playing in the sprinkler. Just feeling hopeful and helpless all at the same time. The Weather is cold and wet and I have been wishing for snow. But then I hate driving in snow so maybe not. It has been such an odd year. I wonder what the new one has in store.

To good to be true

It lasted six days. eather I wasn't home or she wasn't home or James was here to take the brunt. Well, he is at work and she is here. I have to bake for tomarrows Family lunch and so am stuck with her. If I make it to the end of the day before kicking her out it will be a maricle. I even bitched on CTT, but I am still mad. What rite does she have?

Heres the story

I just can't tack another day of this shit. DS1 is chewing on a paper clip. I ask him to put it away and a fit starts. I place him in time out, but he is full of spit and fire so I have him hold his arms above his head. This is a step proseder. if he cooled down he wouldn't have his hands up. It is uncomfertable, but not torcher. Not like I spanked him or hit him. Just told him to hold his hands up. In one min he was colm and out of time out. This is what works for my kids. It dosn't hert them. Trevor and I talk and all is well. Tell MIL pipes up. "Thats child abuse, your an adalt u should know better." This coming from a women who would hit her kids with what ever was at hand at the time. And then she gets on me about how I treat the girl I watch dering the weak as well. Um, I never lay a hand on my kids. If they say there arms hurt I let them rest them. They are never up for more then a min or two. well exept the little girl. SHe can stand there all day. Dosn't seem to bother her. BUt if it gets her to swalow her food and not rot out her teath then I am doing it and her Mom knows that is how we handle things here as well. It is not My MIL fuckingbuissness adn I am tierd of holding my mouth shut. SHe talkes behined my bake about me like I am not going to hear about it. I can take most things, but do not tell me I am hurting my kids. I know my kids I know what they need. If they were starved, black and blue, put down, and treated meen. then open your mouth, but for having him hold his hands up for one min. GO fuck yourself. I am raging rite now. She knows thats the one butten I will not talerat. You do not tell me how to be a parent. I didn't ask.

There has been other stuff, but this one was the kicker. I so want the next two days to be over. I so don't want to be near her and really don't want to go to the family dinner. Great her and my SIL picking on me together. At least they will have fun. I wish I had an excuse to get out of the house. James to be here.

Heart Beat

Silence as I wait for James to come home with a snack. Probably fries. Sitting reading, enjoying the moment. A little drink hitting my head and the light tingle as I feel my heart beat. The neighbors playing music. Mormons they will tern it off soon and put there son and his friend to bed. I can hear my house humm, the dishwasher ticking as it heat dries. And a thumping that can only be discibed as a heart beat. My home pulsing in rhythm and peace. Alive with us resting insides its walls.

Thanksgiving with great friends

OK so finally getting around to putting pic's up. We had a fantastic time. L and her hubby put out a fantastic spread. They make there home so worm and welcoming I didn't want to leave. James wanted me home for some reason though :) The kids got to see the moon in all its glory and we had a great time. I can't remember a better day.

Here is D and Mack chilling after a very filling dinner

Trevor and Devon enjoying tree house fun

L and all her lovelies
Make and her beautiful doughtier
Just the boys hangen
Niki and Fran came over this weakened. We had a blast. Like a secant Thanksgiving. Can't ask for more then good food with good friends. I love these guys.

Ginger Bread House

Last Sunday we were able to make it out to see the family. It was a very nice day. The kids spent most of the time in the yard playing tag then came in for a delicious dinner and

Gingerbread fun.

Even the Daddys got in on the fun

Had to get a pic while they were standing still

Think they ait more then they stuck on the house

isn't it beautiful

every one is sleeping

So it si only 8:30pm. James worked all night adn was up all day with us and is now sleeing. The kids are worn out from swimming at the YMCA and are out cold. It is nice to have time to myself, but really dont' know what to do with it.

I could post pic's from halloween. Still haven't doen that. Or knit the baby blanket for my friend Heather who just had her fifth baby. Calob. He is so cute and I really do nead to do that. Just not up to doing anything. Probably grab some candey and veg infront of the TV.

Been wondering when I lost who I was. I used to like things and now it is all about the kids and James. Been isalating myself again too. I keep wanting to call peaple and then don't. I should have goen to the CoOp today. I was just so tierd. Frirday is the only day I have nothing to do and no were to go. I kinda like that.

Oh well going to go veg. Tomarrow is gymnastics so that should be fun.

Just checking in

Noteced it has been some time. Been bizzy kinda, but nuthing note worthy. Halloween has come and goen. That was fun. Niki, Fran and theh kids staied over. Made it all the more exiting and fun for the kids.

James is working alot, but loks like he will be home for a few days. Things always slow down on weak days.

Nathen is going threw a grouth spert and is tierd an cranky, but I can't seem to get him to sleep more then an hour at a time. Leaving me tierd and cranky too.

Boys are having fun with schoole, just wish there were more good days. Maybe there are just to tierd to notes them.

(yes I know spelling sucks and so does typing, but on handed u get what u get)

Boys are starting a new CoOp on friday. I am a bit reluctant. We have so much on our plates as it is, but it sounds like fun, so giving it a try. It is religias base Sciance and Histeroy. I really don't know much about it, but figer the boys can't make a good choice on there beleaves if I don't teach them anything. Well, they know basic stuff.

As for me I started taking anti depresants. Mix fealings on that. I know I am manic and my lows are getting harded to get threw. None of my natral stuff seam to cut it any more and this time of year is really hard. Just feel defeated in taking pills. And in some way that my fealings are invaled, becouse they are intensifid by my condition. I onlmost don't want the pills to work. I think they are though. I do have a losse or apitite, but I seem to still keep my temper down even though my suger shoud be way off. And I have had only one angsiaty attace in two weaks. Just hate being on meds. Makes me wearder then I already am.

And thats the scoop. Take care all

Wow two post it one day. Was reading Niki's post and realized I am way behined on this pic stuff. Here are the pic's that didn't bler out on my.

Fright Fest 2007

We had a blast. Thanks Niki and Fran

Just a few pic's been playing weth in the little spare time we have these days. Have set a goal to have the boys finish there WAVA school work early. I know they can do it and we make it fun, but days like today make me wonder. What makes the most simple things so hard some times? But today is a beautiful day and off to the park we go.

This is Lake Huron

I like this one. Has some great angles

Hands what more can I say
This was up buy the canadian Boarder.
This Rose is infront of Shelby's school. It jsut took my breath away.

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Trip Home
So vacation is over. Had a great to weaks and my Mom all to myself for one of them. I forgot how good it felt to just talk with her. She even trusted me to die her hair :)

It was wonderful seing every one. I have been crying all day as it hits me I don't know when I will be back to see them. The babies Fath, Lydia are so beautifull and Angelina is such a big girl. I did miss seeing Creg and his clan Sarah's little angels, but next time.

Seeing my Dad to was great. I hate to admit I talk alot like him :( Hugging him made my year. We had a great time. going to the water park was so cool. I miss him already.

The kids had a fantastic time. and seeing April and Tommy reminded me why I live far away. heheh With them I wanted to be selfish and have them all to myself. Just being in the room with them made me feel home. I ahte it to be over, but all good things must end.

I will post pic's soon of all the fun

New Look

So if u havn't already seen her it is my new look.

Didn't James do a great job.

Puyallup

We got to go on Wednsday. It was a nice cool day and no rain. We got the dizzy pass and the boys put it to great use. We ait to much. I got an upset tummy from the rides and we all had a wonderful time.

Hi Daddy

Look no hands

Nathen loved being big like Trevor

I love his face in this one

He Cut his Hair

Nathen Got ahold of James Razer Today

So I had to Shave his head

He keeps tuching his head. Think he likes it.

Trip with Daddy

So another fun day of no School. We went up to Blaine by the Canadian border on monday. We got to look for shels learn about contry borders, difrent flags and that Canida has no Presidant so Deovn dosn't wan tto live there. (He is going to be presadent some day u see.) We checked a fountan and leand why the water falowed the rock and didn't fall strat down. And when all was doen we had Greek food for the first time. and found it on the map along with china (Trevor likes chinies food better) when we got home. I love not goign to school.

When I go thoem I had a call from there teacher becouse I forgot to put in there attendance. Are they nuts. Oh well, I'll just put what ever the hell I like. As long as it is getting doen who cares how long it takes. Really

Well we have been surviving. Nathen's Birthday flew in and out. we didn't have a party, just didn't have the energy for it, but he loved opening the gifts James and I got him and April and the girls singing Happy Birthday to him on speaker phone.

We found out we can do one weeks worth of the WAVA home school stuff in two days. Not even two bizzy day. So I am no longer concerned about adding on more. The boys do seam to like being home. I just wish the YMCA would get on the ball with there home school program so they can play there. Never dealt well with disorganization.

My grandpa went back in the hospital. This time with fluid on his heart. Once again they say he will be fine, but I so just want to go home. Oct can't come fast enough. Money runes our lives again and there never seams to be enough. I struggle with my desire to home school and be home with the kids or work and help James out. Not that I have any skills in anything. Maybe just a weak at the bunny ranch in Nevada would help Just trying to get out of this funk before the bad weather hits and makes it harder.

Some pics I been playing with

My two year old did have a happy birthday.
Tami and Shelby stopped by with his gift
He jsut loved opening it

Rain

Everyone ells wrote about it so here is my version. James and I were enjoying the new light breeze coming threw the window way past when we should have been asleep. And watching the newz and herd announced "real thunderstorms" for our aria. It was about two min before the thunder crashed. Some how my kids sleep threw all this even Nathen. It was so cool and if I closed my eyes I could almost be home in Michigan listening to the rain pore and the thunder roll.

Porn Movie at my house

Last Saturday night I got my kids to bed and settled to take a bath and read. At I entered my room I herd my neighbors voice. I didn't think much of this, but did got to close my room window so not to over hear what they were saying or give them a show as I got into the tub (not that they look, but u know) It was then I saw flashing lights on coming from the opposite side of the fence in my yard. It is nothing but a old barn and government land they are going to build a rood on some day back there. I herd women talking and more flashes. Strange. Probably kids. I closed my windows and took my bath. By the time I got out all was quiet in the back and I went to bed with out a secant thought tell hanging out with my neighbor a few nights ago.
It was there voices I herd, but not them in the back ( I didn't think it was, but what is was was a shock) Not just kids. Apparently an enter film crew. two not so dressed ladies, one with blue hair they tell me and a man on a mattress in the Field. Yep Filming a pron movie. How cool I wish I had checked it out would have been more fun than a bath.
Now I have to check out all the new porns coming out with chicks with blue hair. See if I can see my house in the back ground or here my neighbors talking behind the cheesy music they always play. Cool one more reason to watch Porn :) And sense they got a better look at them when they ran into them at the store latter that night I guess I will have to have them over for a movie night just to make certain it is the rite girls.

I Feel Sick

My mom called. Grandpa is in the hospital. He is OK will go home on Monday. Mild heart attack. I want to go home. I don't want to be in WA any more. I just want to be home. I know he is going to be OK ... it doesn't help. Oct. is to far. My family is to far. I feel so alone here. I hate saying that. I don't want to belittle James and my friends here or his family ether.

I just can't rap myself around things rite now. I feel in a panic all the time. I am on edge and today was the worst yet. I don't know how to get this better. I want to yell and today i did at the kids. I feel honorable about it. They didn't deserve the explosion. Every thing is in a state of transition and I don't know if it is for the better. I am tired of being scared, feeling like I am making a mistake. Today was just bad.

Tagged

I got tagged by Lory, this time by Louisa over at Osgiliath Is Overrun. Can't say I am thrilled to get a tag, but I like updating my blog and find it difficult to do so in the summer. A meme lets me fill the day when I really have too much going on in real time to wrote a concise blog.

RULES - Post rules before giving the facts - Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves - People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules - At the end of the your blog you need to tag eight people and list their names - Leave them a comment on their blog, telling them they have been tagged and not to forget to read your blog.

1. I guess one of my weird things is not looking in a mirror or out a window at night. I am always scared some one will be standing behind me or staring back threw the darkened glass even on the secant floor.

2. I put in my application at the YMCA today. I am exited and petrified at the same time. I do not adapt well to change or at least not easily. I like having things a certain way and not changing most of the time. This is way out of my comfort zone. I haven't worked out side the home for seven years. I am exited to possibly be getting a job I really want working with kids, but scared to have taken on such a changing. Yikes what was I thinking?

3. Now for the fun stuff. I am so exited to be home schooling this year. I do have concerned about being on my own with the kids all the time. When James is out of town I can get really lonely for him and adult conversation. But I am thrilled to have the opportunity to have them home to learn as they need to and in there own stile. I am so exited to watch them lite up when they get it and let them know it is OK if they need more time. I can't wait to learn with my children as they see things in ways I never would think to see them on my own. I am so grate full to have loving family and friends who have supported me in this choice. Gosh now i feel like crying.

4. My favorite Season is Fall. I love the crisp air and the color of the leaves. The sound they make under my feet as I walk. The smell of apple blossoms in MI. I can't wait to be home and taste the bitter air. I love sipping cider. Its heat in my hands and on my lips as I sip against the cool bite from the wind. Along with a fresh donut of cores.

5. I like to people watch. To see someone when they think they are not being seen. I like to watch friends chat and how they act with each other. The loving touch or the soft giggle at a bad jock. Or arguing and not seeing any one ells around them, but the one they are with. Young love and teens who think the world is all about them and why not. I like to watch people reading and see the joy or boredom in they face as the move on to the next page. I also like to see the photo in the moment. People can be so beautiful when they aren't looking to be seen.

6. (Lory did write this, but it is nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way) Sometimes I really feel like I am dreaming and that if someone wakes me up, I will find that my wonderful life was really just in my imagination.

7. I tend to look for the best in every thing and every one. I have only met one person in my life I couldn't stained. And I really did try to like her. I like people who are true to themselves. And tend to be out going, Maybe because I am not out going. I like being some one others can trust and confide in. I like knowing others I can feel the same about. I trust first, but if u loose that trust I can never give it fully again, but every one gets a secant chance.

8. I feel most comfertable with kids. They are honist and hide nothing. To see the world so new and wonderas as a child dose. Is amazing to me. I feel so privleged to be even a small part of it all.

I tag
Niki, snarkee britchez, http://www.myspace.com/shutterbugmama, http://www.myspace.com/clairest81, http://www.myspace.com/crimson_critter, http://www.myspace.com/tom_the_man_webber , http://www.myspace.com/jam718, http://www.myspace.com/dtato

Hanging Around

Well been keeping bizzy with the kids. Thursday we went out to the history museum witch was a lot of fun. Terns out the glass museum is free on the third Thursday of the month too so we got to walk threw there. Really pretty stuff. Tammie and Shelby cam with us and James even maneged to be home. He showed me a much easier way to get there from our house too. Friday my nephews spent the night. The boys had a blast. Locked themselves in there room and plaid all night. Then on Sat we went to a fair there Mom was working to represent the black forest police department. We got to play in the fire trucks and police car. They had blow up jumping things and we tired ourselves out. Today we rested and hung out. Oh and got Trevor new shoos. Swear he goes thew a par a month lately.

Some pic's of our weak

Shelby, Nathen, Devon adn Trevor

On the prarie

Dress Up Time


And they did it all on there own

Nathen and Daddy Havign fun with Trains

Devon lIked this one on the Glass bridge

Aund Mellissas Police car

Devon. Trevor Nathen and Cortlan

Kennedie and Devon

We even beet the Rain that day.