My mom called. Grandpa is in the hospital. He is OK will go home on Monday. Mild heart attack. I want to go home. I don't want to be in WA any more. I just want to be home. I know he is going to be OK ... it doesn't help. Oct. is to far. My family is to far. I feel so alone here. I hate saying that. I don't want to belittle James and my friends here or his family ether.
I just can't rap myself around things rite now. I feel in a panic all the time. I am on edge and today was the worst yet. I don't know how to get this better. I want to yell and today i did at the kids. I feel honorable about it. They didn't deserve the explosion. Every thing is in a state of transition and I don't know if it is for the better. I am tired of being scared, feeling like I am making a mistake. Today was just bad.
2 comments:
(hug) We're here for you :). I know that missing your family can be different and intense, even when you do have friends and other relatives nearby. I also understand the frustration you're feeling, and a large part of the reason I've got such extensive schooling behind me is that I've taken really pointless things in the past just to feel like I've got a direction I'm moving in, instead of just kind of being in the same shitty and stressful situation all the time. Not that it has always worked, and at times I do still feel much the way you describe in your post. FWIW, I think I yell at my kids way more than you yell at yours, and considering you've got a fourth in the household that you have even less control over, that is something spectacular right there. You are an awesome mama, and I already think you don't see yourself that way...don't let a bit of yelling slip your confidence even more.
Sis I hear ya!!
{{Hug}}!!
Everyone is feeling like this right now if it is any consolation. I currently feel like someone has me caught by my foot and I am strung upside down and.
I feel the need to get going.
To move and get out of San Diego.
Your not alone. I understand how your feeling. Just keep gnawing at the leather straps baby and eventually you'll break free.
We are hear for you sis!!
love Ya!!
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